The.. Worst... Movie... Ever

Or, at least the worst movie I've ever seen.

"Facing the Giants" bills itself as an "inspirational tale of courage on the gridiron and the power of God's word." Being that this is a movie with a Christian message, I almost hesitate to be critical. But at the risk of being labeled a anti-religion reprobate, I have to spread the word that FTG was just plain crap, for the following reasons:

1. The acting is atrociously bad. It is so bad, in fact, that I actually thought maybe there was some hidden meaning in the lack of expression that I wasn't quite understanding. But nope, no obscure subtexts. Just lack of talent.

2. The plot is predictable and unrealistic. The movie is about a football coach at a Christian high school who has had six losing seasons to date. Everything is going wrong in his life - his star player transfers to a different school, his house is falling apart, his car doesn't work, and he just found out he can't give his wife the children she wants because his little swimmers aren't up to the job. When he learns that some of the parents of his players want a new coach (and he's surprised after six losing seasons?) he's ready to give up. But a night of soul-searching, prayer, and reading the Bible gives him a new purpose, and from that point on, nothing can go wrong. His team, the Eagles, starts to win their games! He's mysteriously given a new truck! His wife gets pregnant! His players all find salvation in a spontaneous all-school revival on the football field! They win the championship against all odds!

3. The cliches and stereotypes are nauseating. Example #1: the father of the new kid is confined to a wheelchair, but inspires his confidence-lacking son to not only join the team, but to kick the impossible game-winning field goal in the championship game. Dad painfully pulls himself from his wheelchair to a standing position so his son can see him in the end zone. Of course, the confidence-lacking, smaller-than-average son who manages the impossible 51-yard field goal is named David. Example #2: the big, bad, undefeated Giants not only wear black uniforms, but have athletic black players who are ultimately defeated by the all-white Eagles.

4. The movie's message is that living a life that glorifies God has brought about all these good things. But what if the opposing teams also live lives that glorify God? How does God decide who wins? Is life a contest of faith, with the winners being the ones who demonstrate the most? If you're a "loser" in life (you can't get pregnant, you drive a crappy car that you can't afford to fix or replace, you lose your job, you don't win the championship game), does that mean your faith is lacking?

One will hardly be surprised to learn, as I did, that the movie was conceived, directed and produced by a couple of Southern Baptist pastors (0r, as I accidentally referred to them in a little slip of tongue during our dinnertime conversation, Southern Bastards). According to one of these pastors, "God is a better director than Steven Spielberg, a better producer than Jerry Bruckheimer, a better writer than George Lucas." Hmmm. Too bad they didn't let God take charge of this movie.